Decorno

Black paint is over.

2012-01-26T11:29:00.001-08:00

And your apothecary chic is also dead. It's been decided.

Saturation point HERE.

Now that's a before and after.

2012-01-23T19:41:00.001-08:00

HERE. Found via these always decornorific Desire to Inspire.

Wow.

2012-01-08T16:56:00.000-08:00

Mitt Romney's offspring. Holy shit.

What kind of counters should she use?

2012-01-05T14:40:00.001-08:00

This is my friend's kitchen. She needs counter recommendations asap.

Party time.

2011-12-31T21:37:00.000-08:00

Earlier this year, my brother called to tell me that my dad had died. I was packing up my office. Our whole company was moving. It was a weird day. Everything was in boxes.

I rarely spoke to my brother. Hadn't spoken to my dad since I was 18. It was strange, this notification. It was like suddenly having two awkward reunions at once. First with my brother, and then with my dad, now dead.

Two strange feelings came over me. The first was that I didn't really have a right to feel bad since my dad and I were both winning (losing) an epic grudge match. The second was this: I stood in an empty elevator bay, waiting for it to take me to a meeting and I was suddenly overcome with the urge to have a kid. Biology is a strange motherfucker. I don't want kids, but something in my legs and stomach and brain and fidgety wrists and arms knew in that moment that this shit is real. This is really your life. It was my life. And I was suddenly, right now, a half-orphan. People were leaving me. A reunion I kept meaning to get to was never going to happen. And for some reason my body's response to the failures of my family history was this: START OVER. Make your own people.

Then in October my mom had a stroke. That's a long story. But I remember a few things. She spent 5 days in the hospital. I remember wearing the same outfit all those days (I had come to see her for the day... did not expect to stay in Portland overnight, much less 7 days). I remember a woman in the ICU waiting room who looked at me and asked, "How long have you been here?" and at that point I think I was only on day two. I joked, "Why... do I smell?" She replied, "A little." So that was awesome.

Later that night at the hospital I remembered that I had a full bottle of vodka in the trunk of my car. It was intended for consumption at a Jewish women's retreat the weekend prior but I had forgotten it. I went to the hospital cafeteria. It was about midnight. I asked for a big cup of ice. I bundled up, walked to my car in the huge hospital parking garage, popped the trunk, and mixed up a giant vodka soda in that flimsy blue paper Pepsi cup. I got in the car, turned it on, plugged in the iPhone, and cranked Frank Sinatra to full volume and proceeded to drink my face off. I was tailgating at the intensive care unit. It all seemed appropriate given the situation.

After my dad died, but before mom's stroke, my dog got cancer. The vet had to amputate a few toes. This was followed by radiation therapy. This was a real treat. Three days a week, for five weeks, driving to Edmonds, which depresses me, because any town smaller than Seattle or Portland depresses me. (This is the kind of asshole I have become.) My dog, being a dog, liked the trip there. I was trying to reason with him, like, "You shouldn't be so excited, man. You have CANCER. And I have to leave work early to drive in this rush-hour traffic because you get your treatment at a human facility, which means they can only radiate your shit after hours because they are running the cancer-curing equivalent of a back-alley abortion clinic, cash payments and everything..." But you can't reason with dogs in cars. They are too excited. Because the dog is in a car. And that's happiness for a dog.

2011 was sort of a piece of shit. I'm just gonna say it. I found a funny party hat with cellophane fringe in the basement and I wore it while mopping the floor tonight. I'm staying in for New Year's Eve. With less than two hours until 2012, I'm sure as hell not taking any chances by going out. I need to make it to next year in one piece. It can only go up from here.

2011-11-25T09:37:00.000-08:00

Who makes these lamps? I have a need for a round squat silver lamp...

2011-11-24T08:54:00.000-08:00

"It looks fantastic and I believe it will sell in the near future."

2011-11-05T08:39:00.000-07:00

Yes, that sink is the AFTER.

HERE.

Makeover.

2011-10-16T14:18:00.001-07:00

This:

...from this:

The bar got a swanky makeover:

And the outside got a facelift, too.

HERE.

Blog moment of the week:

2011-10-15T10:15:00.001-07:00

"After the lighting was safe and sound back in the storage unit we popped a few muscle relaxers and went out to do some rug shopping."

Ha ha! That's the spirit. HERE.

Decorated by Domino.

2011-09-29T10:14:00.000-07:00

...down to the Hicks paper in the dining room. Scioliari light, moody walls, graphic paper, parson's desk, ladylike Frenchie desk chair. Check, check, check! It's like a time machine of 2009! (And it's still a bazillion times better than my wreck, so....)

HERE for the listing and the slide show.

"Bring your own water for a fun retreat."

2011-09-21T20:38:00.000-07:00

Ha, ha. Way to sell it. Ah, Vashon. Hippie Hamptons.

JJ - we can go halfsies on this.

2011-09-18T19:27:00.000-07:00

A Rocio Romero prefab(ulous) right on Whidbey Island.

A 180 from the disaster I checked out today on Vashon, no?

Run, don't walk.

2011-09-17T19:48:00.001-07:00

So amazing. Get it.

Celerie Kemble should fire her publisher.

2011-09-10T16:50:00.000-07:00

Your book is available for pre-order, but there's no "Look Inside the Book" to help us browse the pages and see if we might want it? Who is in charge of marketing this title? They get an F.

THIS IS NOT HARD. Make it happen, someone. (This goes for you, too, Martyn, and all your new-book-releasing brethren.)

In other news, for those following along, Maison Le Tigre has an offer pending. It was a shit show. I toured it and oh my god, it was a disaster. And, as if to confirm my decision, as we exited the place my earlier "Wow, it smells here... not even like old people, but like shit," was validated when the realtor stepped in actual shit. There was A PILE OF ANIMAL SHIT on stairs. Feral cats? Maybe another realtor's stupid dog took a dump? Who knows. Just another sign from God that this house was just too much for me. Sad, but I have moved on.

That wallpaper, though, was glorious. Not even in an ironic hipster way. It was just so confident and bold and fun. And in great shape, too. I actually would have kept it.

File under "grumpy"

2011-09-05T19:46:00.000-07:00

Is there an epidemic of people forgetting what they named their baby?? It's the only reason I can find for people STILL putting baby names up in the nursery.

And in other totally unrelated news: not everything should be turned into a light, people. Baskets, tin cans, wire frames with weird burlap covers. Just stop it everyone. Stop it.

Two words:

2011-09-05T12:22:00.000-07:00

Tiger. Wallpaper.
Believe it.

HERE.

Knock, knock.

2011-09-05T11:13:00.001-07:00

Easy, right?

2011-09-04T00:11:00.000-07:00

New windows, landscaping... make a landscaping situation happen in the front yard. Some paint.... BAM. Awesome rental property.

I can't get my own house together, but I could TOTALLY make this happen.

Hell yes.

2011-09-04T00:10:00.000-07:00

This is like 90 kinds of genius. You should get it for me.
HERE.

Godspeed, East Coasters...

2011-08-26T16:21:00.000-07:00

HERE.

Grant Gibson spills the beans:

2011-08-24T22:09:00.000-07:00

In THIS post, I asked Grant Gibson what a designer does with the old stuff. He responded generously. Here's what he had to say:

"First, I have to say the best thing is when you are just going about your day and checking your favorite blogs and you come across something and it happens to be your own work. Or in this case, directed right to me.

I think that my apartment is really more of a long story and how it all started. When I found it it was a disaster. You can see the whole HERE.

This was an interesting time in my life. I was in my mid-twenties, just really starting off in the design industry and I didn't have a trust fund or stack of cash to decorate my own space.

Is a designer's home ever really done? I can honestly say that I think that it will really never be done.

Does my first apartment (when I was 18 years old) look anything like my place now? No. Then my tiny (an adjective that doesn't even capture how minuscule) studio when I lived in NY was a whole other look as well. As was my first apartment that I lived in when I moved to San Francisco. Now I am saving all of my pennies to hope to buy a small house of my own.

As I mentioned it was a chance and a place for me to really experiment and I did think of it as a laboratory in a way. I could buy something from the flea market and re-do it.
I think that I kind of got into this "neo-classical" look and put my own twist on it.
I look back at the photos of it when it was published and I can't believe just how much stuff I packed into it. It really IS a small apartment. I think that I might have been addicted to "STUFF". Maybe it is because I have seen it published that I shutter when I think of what it looked like.

There is a part of me that says, "I already did that. Now I want something new." I am a designer after all. I am always looking and finding new things. I am actually not a really sentimental person when it comes to furniture.

I feel like I have grown as a designer and my styles have evolved. I think that this actually might be an ongoing process.

My new direction will seem slightly more age appropriate to me. Mixing styles a bit more. Playing with modern - but keeping pieces that I still love.

Maybe I think of it as a laboratory of a space because I can take some changes and make mistakes. The truth is that if something doesn't work for me, I might end up with it in my garage and it might end up sitting in the space for a while. I try not to force or make suggestions of things that I have done that haven't worked for me to clients. That seems kind of desperate. But I have something that I think that would work, I might make the suggestion.
My two One King's Lane sales were like a garage sale on steroids! It gave me a place to really look at things around my own house and pick and choose the things that I wanted to move on from and what pieces were important to me.

Craigslist can work to sell things. I have sold things on it before for sure. When I had a large office space and then moved to a smaller space, I ended up selling lots of craigslist. It was a lot of work and people that wanted things basically wanted to pay nothing for things.

Ebay is a bit better. It takes a good amount of time. Esty is also a great source. I have seen a lot of great pieces of furniture listed. This all takes time.

People have this incorrect idea (in most cases) that in selling an item they can expect to receive at least what thy paid for it. If you buy a sofa for $5,000 and then sit on it for a year and then decide that you don't like it, you would have to be crazy to think that it would still be worth the same amount. It's like driving a car off the lot. The value depreciates instantly. Things are worth what people will pay. You might think that it is worth more, but if someone isn't willing to pay what you want, then you are going to be stuck with it.

I do have a general rule. Buy what you love. You might fall out of love with it over time. When you buy out of desperation and try to force purchases, you really can end up with some bad choices."

Yes.

2011-08-23T18:48:00.000-07:00

HERE.

Wrong. On many levels.

2011-08-21T20:18:00.000-07:00

HERE.

Corsica.

2011-08-12T20:24:00.000-07:00

HERE. This is where we should send the kid and his cousin next summer.

Hey Grant:

2011-08-12T20:10:00.000-07:00

What do chronic redecorators do with the old stuff?

Grant Gibson is in the process of changing it all up:

He wrote on his blog, "I am making some changes (and am excited to share them with you in the upcoming months). Something fresh, with some more modern touches and a little bit more color. A new version of me. I think of my own apartment as a laboratory for experiments (far better to make mistakes at home vs. more costly ones with my clients)."

What becomes of the old stuff? Sell off to clients? Craigslist? Move to the basement? Give away? Tell me everything.

Stuck in my head.

2011-08-11T19:32:00.000-07:00

HERE.

Portlandia.

2011-08-08T08:14:00.001-07:00

Ah, Portland! My hometown. I was only there for a night to see my beloved Edie. But I was still able to hit my favorite spots, and to get caught up on the latest in Portland, and remind myself of all the goodness I am missing by living in boring Seattle:

Why didn't I think of this?? There are so many strip clubs in Portland, surely it was time someone combined it with other amusements and services, like karaoke. Or childcare.

And I guess this is really happening. It's like sexy-gym-time for cougars. I imagine a class full of Terri Hatcher lookalikes, slithering up and down the poles.

How to open a book.

2011-08-08T08:09:00.000-07:00

This is what I love about Powell's bookstore in Portland. The bossy sign taped up in the architecture & art section to remind you to quit fucking breaking the spines.

Decorgasm.

2011-08-04T12:10:00.000-07:00

HERE.

That light.

2011-08-03T22:05:00.000-07:00

Love.

HERE.

Donald Judd for California Closets

2011-07-25T11:23:00.000-07:00

Not really, but you get the idea.

Rock it.

2011-07-24T11:57:00.001-07:00

This is The Pierre. Kundig. Learn all about it HERE.

This comment made me happy, so I thought I would call it out:

2011-07-23T17:29:00.000-07:00

In response to THIS post.

Jennie Ottinger

2011-07-23T11:32:00.000-07:00

Ambulances, amputees, scenes from books like The Loved One, Infinite Jest, and Rabbit Run. Juries, oil men, business men, soul singers, and planes snapped in two. What's not to love?

HERE.

Matthew Porter

2011-07-23T11:24:00.000-07:00

Big fan. HERE.

Please note presence of previously debated lamps on that console back there.

2011-07-23T11:19:00.000-07:00

Discussed HERE, image from Lonny.

Have minds been changed or no?

I give up.

2011-07-23T09:00:00.000-07:00

Seriously? You just walk around looking this amazing.
I'm doomed.

HERE.

Everything about this is pure magic.

2011-07-22T18:38:00.000-07:00

Num num num num!

2011-07-22T18:06:00.001-07:00

YUM. This is probably an old trick for foodies, but new for spray-cheese types like me. Fried capers. $2 for an appetizer-y amount at Spinasse's new sister, Artusi, and tasty while you down some wine. Easy to do at home. Yummy on pasta.

Thought you might like to know. Use the big capers. Small will work, but as in dicks and bank accounts, bigger is better.

Is it just me, or is Canadian House and Home anemic?

2011-07-22T18:03:00.001-07:00

Love the cover, was so excited to buy the issue, and then it seemed like there were only 12 pages of homes. Underwhelming, to say the least.

Sad face.

Comments, please.

Insane.

2011-07-21T10:58:00.000-07:00

You should probably take a look at THIS house.

Love this color.

2011-07-21T09:26:00.000-07:00

HERE.

More shoe lust.

2011-07-19T07:18:00.000-07:00

On order. I can't wait. HERE.

And a short version of Alexander Wang's "Stella" sandal. Who knew? HERE.

And I don't even know what to say about THIS, except that I could never pull it off, and that makes me very, very sad.

Pretty much amazing.

2011-07-18T14:05:00.001-07:00

HERE.

See the light.

2011-07-10T14:30:00.000-07:00

Seriously... JUST as I was readying myself to covertly spend about $2 - $4k on a Serge Mouille light, I thought I would go see if there was (finally) a new Lonny (God answered yes, and then went back to his latch-hook project). And wouldn't you know it, there I see this dreamy apartment with a few goodies, including: that ridiculously amazing chandelier thing, those tall lamps over there, and then... it. The lamp I want. Well, one just like it and only $395. ONLY $395, for the love of god! My head is exploding all over the place right about now.

New Lonny HERE.

Also - can we talk about this sofa? $599? And from HSN or something? Who knew? Timing couldn't be better. I had this old Ikea sofa in our office/my dressing area and it had been abused by my dogs over the years (not to mention it was like 9 years old) and I paid a guy to haul it away. No replacement planned... I just couldn't look at it anymore. This little sofa should do, don't you think?

Now you see it, now you don't.

2011-07-09T08:20:00.000-07:00

HERE. So clever. I am just 5 - 10 years away from owning a tiny slab of SJI property myself, so Tom Kundig better start designing MY shoebox cabin, stat.

Italy.

2011-07-05T20:11:00.000-07:00

Back from vacation. Many favorite moments, but maybe the best was when the kid ordered pasta as both the first and second course. The hipster Roman server at Maccheroni said, "TWO pasta? Ok." And it was total approval... like, OF COURSE you would need to order the foglie with black truffle to start and the fat noodles with red sauce as your second. Why didn't we think of that already? Why do we even bother with a meat course??

Nice moves.

2011-06-17T12:57:00.000-07:00

Oh, Anna. What are we gonna do about you?

HERE.

The worst part about having the pool, Ms. McMurray Van-Zeller says, is that it makes it hard to clean her medieval art collection.

2011-06-15T12:11:00.001-07:00

HERE.

I try to be a good guest,

2011-06-09T20:56:00.000-07:00

but I would totally want to punch you if I saw you about to brand your fucking steak at your next BBQ.

Special report: political decorating

2011-06-08T14:39:00.000-07:00

I can't tell you how much I am loving the Anthony Weiner news story/meltdown. Honestly.

There is a minor decorating angle to all of this, too. (Lucky for us.)

From Gawker:
But a source familiar with the couple's plans confirmed that they had been trying to conceive their first child in recent months. And about 11 weeks ago they put their two-bedroom Queens apartment up for sale—which, as you can see in the photos on the right, features incredibly sad his-and-hers monogrammed pillows—indicating that they recently learned they'd be needing more space.

I also enjoyed this photo of the Weiner doing god-knows-what next to 2009's commemorative ikat pillow.

Poor Huma. Seriously. She probably deserves a better husband. But as glamorous as she is, she definitely deserves a better apartment.

Let this be a lesson to little girls everywhere:
1) There is no money in politics.
2) Be worried if your man shaves his junk. Seriously.

Rome, Positano, Capri, and Rome again.

2011-06-01T12:53:00.000-07:00

Back to Italy this year. This time we're starting and ending in Rome, spending a week in Positano, while also day tripping to Amalfi, Capri, Furore, and maybe Paestum (meant to go the last two trips... third time's the charm).

I've spend a good amount of time in Praiano, but am looking new recommendations for Positano and Capri (beaches, boating, restaurants, and anything else you think is special). If you have recommendations, please send them my way.

2011-05-16T23:29:00.000-07:00

2011-05-15T20:28:00.001-07:00

Morality. And diamonds. Lot of diamonds.

2011-03-23T07:04:00.001-07:00

But behind the seemingly scandalous behavior was a woman with a clear sense of morality: she habitually married her lovers. People watched and counted, with vicarious pleasure, as she became Elizabeth Taylor Hilton Wilding Todd Fisher Burton Burton Warner Fortensky — enough marriages to certify her career as a serial wife. Asked why she married so often, she said, in an assumed drawl: “I don’t know, honey. It sure beats the hell out of me.”

HERE.

The feedback is in, NY Times:

2011-03-18T14:28:00.001-07:00

This just really makes me laugh.

HERE.

Compliments to you too, Peter!

2011-03-06T14:39:00.000-08:00

You really must read THIS.

Comic gold.

Discuss.

2011-03-03T10:35:00.001-08:00

HERE.

Bamboo shades... yes or no?

2011-02-26T16:28:00.001-08:00

Bamboo shades... Amazing or lazy? Yes or no? Good or evil?

I don't usually like window treatments (read: I can't decide on ones I like, and I am too lazy to come up with a good game plan). But ever since the new neighbor (hi Chad) frosted his bathroom windows, I can take a fucking hint that he is no longer eager to see my un-yoga'd body naked as I get dressed in the morning. Got it. Loud and clear.

So, I need blinds. Shades. Whatever. These shades seem easy, casual, and inexpensive. Yes or no? Suggestions? Opinions on blinds/shades/curtains/drapes in general? Let's hear it.

Yes or no?

2011-02-21T11:52:00.000-08:00

HERE.

I don't know how I missed this one:

2011-02-20T16:05:00.000-08:00

HERE

Like, legit sunshine.

2011-02-19T09:52:00.001-08:00

I had to put on sunglasses to take the dogs out this morning. That means it was not just a little sunny, but actually BRIGHT outside. Like, legit sunshine. The daphne are starting to bloom, and the hyacinths are coming up everywhere in pots. I totally forgot how many I planted last year. Surprise. My neighbor's red camelias are in bloom. (My white ones, right next to theirs, always come later, which is odd. If anyone knows why, I'd love to hear it.)

It's not quite spring, but I'll take it.

Why you won't get promoted.

2011-02-19T09:23:00.000-08:00

Hectored by the blogosphere, mocked by the press, UBS has recanted its 43-page employee primer on how to appear polished, proficient, and professional. As a result, a lot of up-and-comers badly in need of grooming guidance simply won't get it.

Read more HERE.

I haven't read this much-maligned handbook on dressing for success, but I would like to formally add (if not already included):

-Don't show up to work with wet hair. I actually see this. Drives me totally crazy.

-Tank tops are not ok. Even if you have a rockin' body.

-If you bend over and your shirt still can't cover your lower back, wear something over it.

-No cleavage, please.

-If you're a man and you have a meeting that involves suits, then you need to own leather-soled shoes. (Unless you're vegan, then wear whatever. Corporate hippies are too complicated for me to write a rule about.) And it can't be a churchy-looking loafer, either. And you can't have owned it since you went to your prom. Esquire and GQ magazines exist for a reason. If we have to read Allure and Vogue to develop body shame which compells us to remove chin hair and strap on Spanx, then you guys need to do your homework, too. It's part of The Deal.

I know it makes me sound 90, but seriously people. It's not hard.

Who gets it right? A lot of women at my company do, and I love their style. One rocks Rihanna-shorn hair, schleps her love-worn Bottega bag everywhere, rocks skinny jeans & rickety-high booties, and takes what seems like 21 smoke breaks a day, all of which only seem to make her cooler. Another does a Duffy-like modern blond bouffant with fashion-y takes on blouses and trousers but never looks a minute over 27 in any of these outfits. She nails it. Fashion without skin. It's perfect.

What other dress code violations do you see at work? And who are the worst offenders? Men or women?

Why you're not married.

2011-02-15T20:19:00.000-08:00

"Female anger terrifies men. I know it seems unfair that you have to work around a man's fear and insecurity in order to get married -- but actually, it's perfect, since working around a man's fear and insecurity is big part of what you'll be doing as a wife."

Yikes.

Read it all HERE.

Hi. My name is Jennifer Hudson...

2011-02-13T20:10:00.000-08:00

...and I am a fucking knockout.

Everyone's a critic.

2011-02-13T19:20:00.000-08:00

"Why is it that your blog is always 40% decor, 60% misogyny? I was hoping it would be different after your return, but you're the same old woman-hating gal!"

About THIS post.

If my criticism seems like misogyny, oh well. I'm just not that into geriatric pantlessness and cupcake-party-throwing ladies. That's all. Sometimes I like to offer an opinion about ladies who irritate me. Chalking it up to misogyny? That's your call.

The new Elle Decor is heavy.

2011-02-02T17:09:00.000-08:00

Which means ad sales must be up. Yay for the magazine-addicted (like me).

Read HERE about Margaret Russell's new Architectural Digest.

Favorite part so far:

Like the wardrobe of a successful movie mogul of a certain age, it telegraphed money, but not always taste.

As one decorator observed, “Everything looked like a hotel lobby.”

Not that it mattered. Ms. Noland once told a reporter, “People are much too concerned with having good taste. I mean, it’s not a character flaw if you don’t have good taste.”

Stuff.

2011-02-02T12:40:00.000-08:00

I am digusted with myself that I get so hot and bothered over closets because all it means is that I am an asshole American with too much... stuff. Too many shoes, too much jewelry, too many black pencil skirts (why in God's name do I keep buying variations on a theme???).

Today my house is in fucking shambles because the "office" I use as part office, part dressing room (read: tiny closet and a dresser with mirror propped up, at which I get ready each morning) is torn up. Everything from the room has been exiled into my dining room and front room. How is it possible that the overflow from one room can take up pretty much the rest of my first floor?) There are piles and piles of stuff everywhere in my house while painter Bill and electrician Steve do some work for me.

What work, you ask?

Someone had the bright idea to apply a dopey layer of plaster over the existing plaster ceiling. The effect is that the ceiling looks like someone frosted a stupid country cake... all waves and wiggles of fucking smoke-stained frosting (thank you previous owners). I also have a disgusting light in there... one I have never bothered switching out because it seemed ridiculous to install something more glamorous just to call attention to the nasty smokey-frosting plaster ceiling.

So, my delightful painter Bill decided to cover it up with drywall. They installed it yesterday. What a dusty enterprise! I came home to filth everywhere. I was also late moving my clothes out of the closet and am now trying probably facing a $600 dry cleaning bill now that all my clothes look like they have been buried under the ash of some volcanic explosion.

Neverthless - I WILL NOT COMPLAIN. I am so excited that I will soon have a lovely new ceiling, a new light (haven't picked on out yet... any recommendations?), new paint, new trim, replastered walls, and some sort of new cabinets or storage for all my lady things (shoes, bags, accessories... not some extensive vibrator collection, you dirty pervs!)

Chaos will come to order in my life, goddamnit.

HERE.

4th time's a charm.

2011-01-30T13:48:00.001-08:00

I have just started my 4th attempt to learn some Italian. First time, I wanted to be great. I went to a serious language school with a serious teacher and a room of serious students (many starting their 3rd or 4th language). Next two times? More casual setting, but I let work and a busy schedule derail me. This time, it's back with the "serious" teacher, except that this time when he emailed asking me what my goals were, I told him that I don't even need to speak Italian well. Just enough to help me make small talk and order competently from a menu.

I don't remember a time when I ever wanted to shoot for mediocre, until now, and it's kind of liberating. My lessons are on Saturdays and Sundays. I wake up at 7 or 8, study, then drive to these private lessons at 10am. He makes us espresso at the start of the class and the empty tazza makes its way around his loft later on: "The cup is on the table. The cup is under the chair. The cup is not on the desk." (That cup, I noted today, gets around.)

After butchering essere and avere verb forms, I grab coffee or a super late breakfast and head home. It's better than racing to a class after work, and because it's private, I can't hide when it's my turn to confuse my le, la, l', il, and los. The whole thing is pretty civilized.

It's kind of crazy to take these lessons. I mean, 3 hours a week won't get me too far, I realize. I may never speak Italian well. But I will settle for speaking Italian badly. Even bad Italian sounds pretty good to me.

If you want to speak Italian badly (or well) and you're in Seattle you can take classes from Marc Mariani HERE.

Gawker comment of the week: Sorry, vagina--looks like it's just you and me.

2011-01-29T21:03:00.000-08:00

Me: "Hey vagina, we need to talk. Listen, I'm going to have to keep you under lock-and-key for awhile. You see, in the event that some guy slips me a roofie or the guy I'm seeing doesn't understand the meaning of the word 'no', and the 'non-forcible rape' results in pregnancy, I probably won't be able to afford taking care of the microscopic cells that will morph into a womb-dwelling childbeast. I just don't have the time or the money to deal with such things, and since it's clearly my responsibility to not get raped (except when it's 'rape rape'--that's the only time when my non-consent has merit), I'm just going to have to go through extreme preventative measures."

Vagina: *protest*

Me: "Yes, I'm aware that I could choose to pump myself full of hormones to prevent pregnancy, but unfortunately my student health insurance does not cover birth control, so it looks like that's out, as well. Sorry, vagina--looks like it's just you and me."

Context HERE.

If you're pro-choice, there is no better time than now to automate a small (or big) monthly contribution to two great organizations:

NARAL - - these bitches get all up in that legislative and lobbying business on behalf of your little uterus.

Half of U.S. counties have no abortion services at all. A women I knew a while back was a provider, and we were chatting about the state of abortion access, and I said, "It's insane how limited access is. I mean, what do these girls do?" Exasperated, she just shot me a look and said, "They have babies." (MTV/Teen Mom thanks you, 51% of counties with no access to abortion services!)

Anyhoo - - this woman said CAIR is the best organization to help if you actually want to help a girl in the sticks get an abortion if she doesn't have means or access. Yes, that's right... here's how you can help a young woman GET AN ABORTION. I said it.

CAIR

You're over it.

2011-01-29T09:56:00.001-08:00

Sorry - I was away on business, which meant not only long, focused meetings, but also back-slappy nights of wine and overindulgence with business associates (hard life alert!), so I had no time to check and post comments from the last post.

They are in. Check them out. You guys are over a lot of shit. Feels good to vent, no?

Feel free to continue adding to your list. Here was my favorite (file under "someone had to say it"):

"I would have to say I am so over the current girl on girl crushes going on with the ladies... in the design blog community as a whole. I mean seriously...could they love themselves anymore? Could they love to profess their love for their cuteness? ...watch their self obsessed videos and you will see what I mean. I'm sure they are all perfectly sweet but this is like Domino magazine dipped in the Willy Wonka chocolate river. Except none of them get sucked up the tube. Oh this whole thing gets me just riled up. Make your magazine, be professional, and stop having cupcake parties so you can celebrate your glasses, or skirts, or so called achievements. Oy."

Seriously Banana Republic?

2011-01-27T02:50:00.001-08:00

I understand everyone is now irritatingly chasing the Jenna Lyons dream, but someone has taken a wrong turn here.

Oh, and note to J. Crew... I DON'T FUCKING CARE WHAT JENNA LYONS IS PACKING FOR HER TRIP TO ST. KITTS. I don't care what a 6' 4" freak in sequin leggings is doing. At all. So much creepy girl worship.

While we're on the topic - - let's make a list of things we are over people obsessing about. You go first.

Do you keep the boxes?

2011-01-25T21:22:00.000-08:00

Seriously... with, like, malaria and poverty and racism and gun-crazy assholes running around, you'd think I had bigger things to worry about, but here's my concern of the day:

Do you keep your shoe boxes?

I used to work in the shoe business, and my boss - a guy with a sick collection of Prada and the like - was a box-keeper through and through. I am presently a box-keeper, too. I like the glossy feel of the YSL box, opening it to reveal my Tributes (which I can't seem to wear to work because while they look very glam on net-a-porter models, they make me look like a wobbly hooker). I love handling the oragami-like and brilliantly engineered Te Casan boxes (while lamenting the end of that innovative label). And I am grateful for the metal gromment on Kors boxes, which makes it easy to pull those shoes from the stack. But I am about to overhaul my office/closet and am considering ditching all the boxes in favor of just shelving them. But seriously... dust. I mean, let's be honest. As often as a girl wears glitter Loutoutins (read: only for one Christmas party a year, at best) shouldn't I keep them boxed? Putting them out on open shelves seems a little too Mariah Carey, right? A little above my pay grade?

How do you store your shoes, shoe whores?

"Some people said they did not own televisions."

2011-01-25T11:36:00.000-08:00

Late Friday night, a long line wrapped around the Mission Theater. People waiting hoped a space would open up inside, where the first episode of “Portlandia” was about to be shown to a packed house. Some people said they did not own televisions — or that they did not get IFC.

“It’s got to be a little elitist, you know,” said Tony Robinson, working as the doorman. “That’s part of the Portland thing, too.”

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!!! Of COURSE a bunch of them don't have televisions. Totally brilliant.

There is so much to love about this show (especially as a Portland native), and so much to love in this article, especially the TV line. Oh, Portland. You are so cute.

Portland... where young people go to retire.

HERE.

“It felt really suburban to me."

2011-01-24T15:14:00.000-08:00

Eve and Rich Kessner left the West Village for Park Slope with their daughter, Avi, last March. But after six months, they found themselves looking for a new place to live. “It felt really suburban to me,” said Ms. Kessner. “Park Slope has puppets and guitar strumming for kids. In Williamsburg, it is like rock ‘n’ roll for kids.”

You're so special!!! You should live in a more special neighborhood! You should make sure your kids are cool like you! Go on with your bad selves, hipsters!

I don't know why I keep reading this shit in the NYT. It just gives me a major fucking headache.

HERE

Quality problems.

2011-01-20T15:53:00.000-08:00

HERE.

I didn't even realize bad coffee was causing problems in Paris. Who knew? Glad the NTY is on it.

Drucker out at Town & Country

2011-01-19T16:59:00.000-08:00

(The new guy.)

HERE.

Kind of a major bummer because the cover of the current issue is HILARIOUS. It's like, "What your husband really thinks of your plastic surgery," and I think it covers divorce, etc. I saw it and thought, "This is AWESOME. It's like Town & Country as read by people who watch the Real Housewives franchise." (AKA, me.)

Sigh. Bummer. Wonder what he's up to next.

“We wanted a variety of concepts in fashion that reflects the coffee we prepare,” she said.

2011-01-11T19:12:00.000-08:00

Note to everyone:
Stop overthinking it.

HERE.

Book lust.

2011-01-10T14:39:00.000-08:00

It's crazy to think people "style" their books, but sometimes the execution is quite clever.

More HERE.

Painting update.

2010-12-30T12:57:00.001-08:00

Update: I had my painter come over to give me a quote on a job in another room and he looked at my hallway project and said, "Did you sand the doors?" and I sheepishly said no. And he shrugged and said, "Oh goodie. More work for me eventually."

I love that guy. He just painted that hallway last year and it was like I was pissing all over his baby or something.

Want.

2010-12-28T09:50:00.000-08:00

My chrome obsession rages on. I need a new house for these, though. A big, modern, all new house.

Ok - - speaking of new houses, the ladies across the street just moved out. They sold their house to the people behind them. That couple now has two houses. What kind of impulse purchase is that?? What are they going to do with the second house? Rumor has it, the nanny will stay there. At what point do you look around Montlake and just conclude, it's not THAT great. If you can buy a second house, just move to Denny Blaine. Upgrade, people. Oy.

But I'm not bitter. At all.

Where do you stop painting?

2010-12-28T09:22:00.000-08:00

I am painting my little hallway a color called French Beret. It's charcoal-y and dark. Here's my dilemma: if the adjacent room is white, where do I stop painting the trim? I am painting all the trim in the hallway the same color... just an eggshell finish of the same French Beret wall color. Where on the trim do I stop painting and keep it white? (Does that make sense?)

(Why am I doing this myself? Where are my assistants???? Where is Harvey Millstein, Certified Interior Decorator when I need him??)

Just 196 days...

2010-12-14T20:39:00.001-08:00

Sometimes in shitty Seattle, you need something to look forward to.

Flipping through Lonny.

2010-12-14T12:50:00.000-08:00

I need a simple pendant for my office. Like this one.

And I would like this giant tub (and an all-new bathroom) for Christmas, please.

Photos from the latest Lonny.

Can't stop listening to this.

2010-12-05T10:07:00.000-08:00

If you've been in Seattle driving around wondering, "Who's that elderly person singing along to this hot new jam?" the answer is me.

Love the little move he makes when he sings, "Make the floor shake..."

Inside out.

2010-12-04T10:20:00.001-08:00

I need a house like this. Slide open the massive door and live a little inside out.

You can see more photos on THIS blog.

I just got this back from the framer and now I feel like I need a new house to put it in. Dare to dream.

Alex Prager

Where do you put a big photo of bikini'd asses?? This is the question of the day around the house.

Churchy.

2010-11-30T21:39:00.000-08:00

I kinda dig THIS place.

But good luck selling it with these shit-shacks going in next door. (God bless google street view...)

For Christmas, I would like:

2010-11-30T06:37:00.001-08:00

THESE, please.

Browsing the auction lots at Phillips de Pury & Co makes my whole body burn with desire.

Put your pants on, Anna.

2010-11-30T06:21:00.000-08:00

I really love her, but I think I am too old for this. (She may be, too.) But, you gotta like her ambition. I won't hurl my leg over my head for anything these days.

Can you believe she's come out with her own perfume? Oy.

More photos from her W spread (heh, heh) HERE if you dare.

Can we please talk about Barbra Streisand in Vogue?

2010-11-28T20:51:00.000-08:00

Her house... I can't even bear to scan the photos. It's so embarassing.

If someone has the photos to send, I will gladly post.

Discuss.

Life changing.

2010-11-28T20:45:00.000-08:00

If he really loves you, he will get you this for Christmas.

LIFE CHANGING. Seriously. Bergamot, angelica, iris, honey, hawthorn, jasmine, heliotrope and white musk. It smells like snow and isn't showy. Someone will have to get really close to smell this on you. Maybe that's the point.

2010-10-16T09:55:00.000-07:00

Sometimes people listen to The Decorno.

Alex Prager photo at the Kips Bay thingamajig HERE.

2010-09-18T08:26:00.000-07:00

First, Lonny.

Now, Rue?

Best interview ever.

2010-04-15T08:52:00.000-07:00

Where did you grow up?
Oh. I’m Cuban. I lived there until I was 15 years old.

How was it to grow up there?
Well, I mean … it’s very … I mean … where did you grow up? As a kid, you’re just growing up in your home. You only know in hindsight what those experiences are like to compared to other situations.

I’m not asking if you had an exceptional childhood, just what your memories of it were.

No … no … I know …

You really have to read every word of it HERE. If only Parade's interviews were this testy and constipated...

(Thanks to Harvey Millstein, Certified Interior Decorator, for sending the link.)

Salvage fail.

2010-04-15T08:39:00.001-07:00

Obsessed

2010-04-14T19:55:00.000-07:00

...with Tim Lokiec. (Birthday hint. I was kidding when I said I only want a mug with a picture of a pug on it. I really don't. I want art, dammit.)

In other news, don't you think Margaret Russell should do an Elle Decor book about art and collectors? Juicy photos and (brief) stories on collecting high & low, how people arrange it, how to frame it, unusual collections, artist homes they've featured, etc etc? And print it up big-style, and blow up the photos for more detail of the walls and arrangements.

Lastly - this month's Elle Decor? I could do without Ellen P's mug, but what did you guys think of the cover? Closer in. More personal, right? Did you love it? Or did it look too InStyle? Either way, I liked the homes. I love the sunny, happy spring/summer issues. Wards off that Seattle suicide feeling.

Are you going to watch Bravo's Work of Art?

2010-04-13T09:56:00.000-07:00

HERE. (ArtFagCity = my new favorite blog.) and HERE.

Nick Olsen is an opium-addicted Chinese hooker.

2010-04-12T20:39:00.000-07:00

Not really, but it's fun to say!

Looky HERE, Nick's place is featured in the new Lonny mag.

If you don't read Nick's BLOG, you should. Seriously.

Here...

2010-04-08T04:39:00.001-07:00

you go look at THIS while I go to Palm Springs.